i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
