What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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