i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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