i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
