Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
