well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
