You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
