I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This baby is an asshole
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
