Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
