New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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