is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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