And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
