If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
