oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
