Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
