I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize