So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just tell him i said nine months
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
