So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
