I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
