I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize