I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
