Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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