i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
