i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
