He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
