You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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