i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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