There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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