Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
