I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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