I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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