She is in my trunk
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
