If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
