Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I checked into jail on foursquare
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's blow job season.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize