he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
