I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
