playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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