you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
