Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
