im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't turn off my feet"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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