Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
