you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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