i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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