i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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