i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
