I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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