ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize