Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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