I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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