I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
