Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
