i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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