How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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