she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
