I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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