My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
