she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
