so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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