Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
