I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
