i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
