I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
