A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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