What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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