She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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