Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
