I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
