OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
birth control should be required to get into college
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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