We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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