i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
