Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
