u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
