I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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