u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
