I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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