Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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