Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
