somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
