I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
