My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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