Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
