I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just cropdusted the office
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
