since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
