i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
