There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
