they need to just BURY HIM!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
