Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Come on in and take your pants off
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
