Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize