I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
