if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize