If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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