I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
