I cockslap morals
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Drake has all the answers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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