Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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