I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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