she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
