ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
